break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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