I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
