I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize