First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
