Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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