Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize