I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
