Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
