: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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