Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
