we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
