She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
