you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
