Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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