I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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