I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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