I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
