i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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