overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
