I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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