A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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