I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
