the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
