I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
not ubering you a puppy
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize