Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
