Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
