I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
