I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He passed out mid-signature
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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