ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
