wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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