Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize