A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize