i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
