Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
