don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
