Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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