when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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