I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
