im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
