Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
