ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
4 words: hood of his car
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
