ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize