Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
