Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
