so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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