What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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