i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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