Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
