Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
