i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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