she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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