"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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