He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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