No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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