plz talk dirty to me
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ketchup is God's man juice
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
