remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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