This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize