do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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