I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
