wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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