she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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