hotel room ftw
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
