you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
