Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
