Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
