i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
