So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
