He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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