I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
