I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
