lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
