Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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