Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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