I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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