I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
