party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
