having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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