I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize