just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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