My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
