My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
