U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
