I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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