There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
