if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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