idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
