he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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