I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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